Expectation vs Acceptance

Expectation vs Acceptance



1) My family used to engage a maid.

She was so lazy.

.

There was not much to do actually, and she had plenty of free time.

But when there were things to be done, I always end up doing them myself.

I expected her to help me, but she just sat there and smiled.

.

It was as if I was the maid - an unpaid one.

And when I asked her for help, she would tell me it's difficult to do.

I would get so upset and angry about it : Why is she so lazy? She's supposed to help out, blah blah blah ...

And caused my own unhappiness.

.

Then one day, while I was thinking and getting upset about her laziness, it struck me :

.

Her laziness is Her problem.

Not mine.

Why should I get upset?

.

After that, I'm peaceful and happy.

Her laziness doesn't affect me anymore.

.

.

2) My mum broke her wrist 2 yrs ago.

The doctor and I advised her not to carry heavy things.

I also told her not to rush about so much.

I was worried -

She's getting on in age, and there's really no need to rush.

Besides, it's good to do things slowly and calmly.

But does she listen?

No.

.

I nagged and nagged.

But each time, I felt like I was nagging for my own listening pleasure.

Either that, or I must be 'invisible'!

Boy! Was I upset! I was furious! I was frustrated! I was worried!

I was unhappy. I ........

Then, it hit me - let go.

Doesn't matter.

She is just as she is.

Accept.

.

That's when I realised : The issue doesn't lie with my mum.

It lies with Me.

And so, I let go.

And free myself from self-torment and torture.

I stopped nagging, stopped controlling the situation, stopped wanting things to be how I want them to be;

And stopped expecting my mum to listen to me.

After that, I felt better.

At peace.

.

It doesn't mean I 'bochap' (don't care).

I merely accept.

I make peace.

I let things be, let nature flow.

.

Should anything were to happen to her, I'll still be there for her.

.

In the meantime, she can continue rushing and carrying heavy things all she wants.....

So long as she's happy.

.

.

3) I always make it a point to be early or punctual, whenever possible,

So as not to 'steal' other people's time.

Some of my friends are perpetually late.

Whenever we meet, they're always late.

Not 5, 10 mins.

Sometimes, an hour or hour-and-a-half!

Initially, it affects me.

I wasn't happy about it.

Then, I learned not to expect them to be early or punctual.

And, to use the waiting time wisely to cultivate patience.

That way, when they're late, I'm peaceful and calm.

And if they're early or punctual, I'm also peaceful and calm. (Equanimity)

Funny thing is when they see me peaceful and calm,

They got upset with me for being peaceful and calm.

Human minds are so strange.

"If you have high expectations, you'll fall and be crushed.

If you have low expectations, you'll still fall,

And may or may not be crushed.

But when you have No expectations,

You'll not fall, so wherefore the crush?"

"Avoid imposing your values on others.

You say 'to mah to', I say 'to may to'

One man's meat is another man's poison.

If you love someone, you respect them.

And you give them the time, the space, and the freedom to grow -

To be who, what and how they want to be (so long as they do no harm) -

And Not who, what or how you want them to be."

"Lets accept others as they are - good or 'bad'."