There's a question people used to ask the grooms during weddings, which puts them in a spot :
"When they are shipwrecked with their mums and wives, who will they save first?"
Guys, I'm going to give you the secret to answering this question without getting or feeling sandwiched.
The answer to the above question is -
Yourself.
You are going to save yourself first.
If people say you are selfish, ask them,
"Without finding a way to save myself first, or without saving myself first, how am I to know how to save others?"
Contrary to popular humanistic beliefs, saving ourselves first so as to save others is not selfishness.
Rather, it is the Real Pure Selflessness.
Saving others without first saving ourselves,
Now that's pure stupidity. Foolishness.
Think about it -
Even the airlines' safety procedures (if you watch them) also emphasize that in the event of an air decompression, you are to put the oxygen mask on YOURSELF FIRST, before helping your child or others seated next to you.
Reason is very simple.
If you help others first, before you can even put the oxygen mask on them, you would have lost consciousness.
So, instead of having 1 or 2 survivors, we end up with 2 dead corpses.
Even The Great Buddha himself focused on his own Enlightenment first before teaching/enlightening others.
And it makes sense.
Just imagine,
How can you lead others out of a dark cave when you don't even know, or can't even find the way out yourself?
There are many people out there who can talk a lot, and seems to have a lot of knowledge about salvation, yet they can't even save themselves.
To delay or not to want to be enlighten so that others can be enlightened first, sound very good and nice to the ears,
BUT unfortunately, in Truth, it does not work that way.
Sorry.
No one can enlighten another if they are NOT enlightened yet.
And, if they're truly enlightened, no matter how compassionate they are, they'll NOT be back after they've passed away.
For they would have gone forth to parinibbana.
The fact they are back is because they haven't let go.
Self-sacrifice always sounds and seems so great and appealing,
But if you don't know the way out, it'll always be second guessing.
It's like the blind leading the blind
And all end up in a cesspool.
To me, the best solution is
When 2 people are shipwrecked, each find a way to save themselves first, if possible,
Without depending on, or hindering the other.
Once both are secured, then together, hand-in-hand as partners, they can swim to the shore,
The shore of safety .........
Of Nibbana,
Of Freedom.
According to The Buddha, there are 4 types of people :
"Those who look after themselves and ignore others;
Those who look after others and ignore themselves;
Those who neglect themselves and others;
and
Those who look after themselves and others."
- The Buddha
"Let a man apply himself to what is proper before he preaches others."
- The Buddha
"It is IMPOSSIBLE for a person Not having realised meditation, wisdom, The Path, Fruition and Nibanna himself to teach and lead others to such realisation and Attainment."
- Venerable Ajahn Mun
"The actual practice enjoined by The Buddha does not place such a high value on altruism at all.
In fact, he gave higher praise to those who work exclusively for their own spiritual welfare than to those who sacrifice their spiritual welfare for the welfare of others (Anguttara Nikaya 4:95)"
- Thanisarro Bhikkhu on The Buddha's words.
"Do not forget your spiritual development while serving others."
- The Buddha
"It's only through the destruction of illusion and ignorance that one can really be free, and not otherwise."
- Venerable Dr K Sri Dhammananda
"If we don't straighten ourselves first, we can't really help anyone else.
In the same way that a crazy person can't help another crazy person become sane."
- Ajahn Lee Dhammadharo
"We have to 'have' before we can 'give' ."
- Ajahn Lee Dhammadharo
"For the sake of others' welfare, however great, let NOT one neglect one's own welfare.
Clearly perceiving one's own welfare, let one be intent on one's own goal."
- The Buddha, Dhammapada verse 166
"The only people The Buddha praised were the ones who were able to liberate themselves from suffering."
- Venerable Ajahn Chah
PROTECTING ONESELF AND OTHERS.
Once upon a time, monks, a bamboo acrobat, having erected a bamboo pole, addressed his assistant, Frying Pan: 'Come, my dear Frying Pan. Climb up the bamboo pole and stand on my shoulders.'
'As you say, Master,' Frying Pan answered the bamboo acrobat and, climbing the bamboo pole, stood on his shoulders.
So then the bamboo acrobat said to his assistant, 'Now you watch after me, my dear Frying Pan, and I'll watch after you. Thus, protecting one another, watching after one another, we'll show off our skill, receive our reward, and come down safely from the bamboo pole.'
When he had said this, Frying Pan said to him, 'But that won't do at all, Master. You watch after yourself, and I'll watch after myself, and thus with each of us protecting ourselves, watching after ourselves, we'll show off our skill, receive our reward, and come down safely from the bamboo pole.'
What Frying Pan, the assistant, said to her Master was the Right way in that case.
Monks, a frame of reference is to be practiced with the thought, 'I'll watch after myself.' A frame of reference is to be practiced with the thought, 'I'll watch after others.'
- The Buddha, Dhammapada verse 166
"The only people The Buddha praised were the ones who were able to liberate themselves from suffering."
- Venerable Ajahn Chah
PROTECTING ONESELF AND OTHERS.
Once upon a time, monks, a bamboo acrobat, having erected a bamboo pole, addressed his assistant, Frying Pan: 'Come, my dear Frying Pan. Climb up the bamboo pole and stand on my shoulders.'
'As you say, Master,' Frying Pan answered the bamboo acrobat and, climbing the bamboo pole, stood on his shoulders.
So then the bamboo acrobat said to his assistant, 'Now you watch after me, my dear Frying Pan, and I'll watch after you. Thus, protecting one another, watching after one another, we'll show off our skill, receive our reward, and come down safely from the bamboo pole.'
When he had said this, Frying Pan said to him, 'But that won't do at all, Master. You watch after yourself, and I'll watch after myself, and thus with each of us protecting ourselves, watching after ourselves, we'll show off our skill, receive our reward, and come down safely from the bamboo pole.'
What Frying Pan, the assistant, said to her Master was the Right way in that case.
Monks, a frame of reference is to be practiced with the thought, 'I'll watch after myself.' A frame of reference is to be practiced with the thought, 'I'll watch after others.'
When watching after oneself, one watches after others. When watching after others, one watches after oneself.
And how does one, when watching after oneself, watch after others? Through pursuing [the practice], through developing it, through devoting oneself to it. This is how one, when watching after oneself, watches after others.
And how does one, when watching after others, watch after oneself? Through endurance, through non-violence, and through a mind of kindness & sympathy. This is how one, when watching after others, watches after oneself.
A frame of reference is to be practiced with the thought, 'I'll watch after myself.' A frame of reference is to be practiced with the thought, 'I'll watch after others.'
And how does one, when watching after oneself, watch after others? Through pursuing [the practice], through developing it, through devoting oneself to it. This is how one, when watching after oneself, watches after others.
And how does one, when watching after others, watch after oneself? Through endurance, through non-violence, and through a mind of kindness & sympathy. This is how one, when watching after others, watches after oneself.
A frame of reference is to be practiced with the thought, 'I'll watch after myself.' A frame of reference is to be practiced with the thought, 'I'll watch after others.'
When watching after oneself, one watches after others. When watching after others, one watches after oneself.
— SN 47.19
— SN 47.19
