On March 6th, I was diagnosed with chicken pox.
What an experience! It practically took my breath away.
It enriched my mind and life totally.
It's amazing how something as mundane and common like chicken pox can teach us many things about Life.
There were many nights which I could not sleep.
As a matter of fact, I could not sleep most of the time during the chicken pox period.
I remember one particular night when I could not sleep.
So, with my blanket wrapped around me, I walked, to and fro, in my room.
It was during this 'walk' that this entry was 'born'.
It was a wonderful experience.
My body was in pain. I felt old. So old.
But it helped me understand a few things:
1) This body will decay (grow old) just as a flower bloom, blossom, wither and die.
2) This body will diseased just as a plant with white spots on its leaves.
3) This body will die just as the leaves that we find on the ground after a rain.
Regardless of young or old, we're all subjected to these.
Cos' this body is not ours to begin with.
If it is, we should be able to control it, but we can't.
We can't ask the body not to grow old, not to fall sick, or not to get chicken pox, and not to die.
It's a natural process of things.
Nature's Laws.
This body is impermanent, unsatisfactory and not 'Me' - not self.
If it was permanent, why do I feel cold one moment, and hot the next?
Why can't I 'tune' the temperature to be constant?
If it was satisfactory, why do I feel aches and pains in my body?
That caused me not to be able to sleep, lie down, or even sit?
Most important of all,
If it was 'self' (i.e me), why can't I ask the body to be well?
That the aches and pains to go away?
That the red sores and water bubbles that pop up on my face and body that makes me look like a hideous monster, to disappear?
Why is this body so old, weak, torn and tattered when I want it to be energetic and young?
Because, as in many things in life, this body is not permanent, not satisfactory, and definitely, not me, not mine, and not self.
It was suffering.
I could go neither left nor right.
I felt like I want to die but could not.
I was suffering. In pain.
This body, this life, is suffering, painful.
That makes me wonder : Why is it that people cannot die, or are afraid to die, or don't want to die?
Because of attachment, craving, desire.
We hold on to things.
We want things to stay the same.
We want to be young, youthful, fresh, green, energetic.
We want only pleasures and not pain.
We can't accept the realities of life. The truths of things.
That's why.
With chicken pox, I see that this body is ugly.
It's nothing but a mass of heaped up sores filled with pus, unknown liquids, scars etc.
How beautiful can that be?
"All that's mine, beloved and pleasing, will change and vanish."
So says The Buddha.
How true!
People who see/think the human body is beautiful, or trying to maintain/keep it beautiful, or beautify it by going to the gyms, spas, surgeries, etc are just wasting their time and money, and hiding behind the shades of delusion/ignorance.
Just as a house or building etc that's beautiful on the outside does not mean it's beautiful on the inside.
Or, a beautiful house does not mean the occupants are just as beautiful.
At the end of the day, it's really only our deeds that tell more about us, than our beautiful 'facade' (this body).
5 Remembrances -
I am of the nature to decay.
I have not gone beyond decay.
I am of the nature to be diseased.
I have not gone beyond disease.
I am of the nature to die.
I have not gone beyond death.
All that is mine,
Beloved and pleasing, will change and vanish.
I am the owner of my kamma;
Heir to my kamma;
Born of my kamma;
Related to my kamma;
Abide supported by my kamma.
Whatever kamma ( i.e. good or evil ) I shall do, of that I shall be the Heir.
- The Buddha
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"Your wealth can only edify your house but not you.
Only your own virtue can edify you.
Your dress can adorn your body but not you.
Only your good conduct can."
- Venerable Dr K. Sri Dhammananda
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